Just Some House Cleaning…
I just want to put somethings into perspective.
Monthly Archives: February 2013
Minimum Rage…er…Wage
Minimum Rage…er…Wage
In my last BRILLIANTLY written article I implied that someone may not be worth more than $7.25 an hour. It may have come across as more ‘Jerky’ than I intended. Clearly this would NOT be the case. Let me illustrate. When I, your humble narrator, was a young lad my older sister would often offer me ten cents a minute to tickle her back ($6/hr). When I was fourteen years old my first real job was washing pots at a restaurant. It was thankless, hot and heavy, with greasy steam doing wonders for my zit- and pimple-filled face. Making the minimum wage of $3.35 was hard to accept when I could make six dollars an hour for tickling.
I worked with a guy who was in his early twenties. He was loud, obnoxious, crass, often talked-back to the manager and made googlie eyes at the waitresses. He was an all-a-round jerk. I idolized him. I remember one day he and the manager were arguing. He yelled, “I don’t have to put up with this crap! (He didn’t say “crap.”) I can go anywhere and make $3.50 an hour,” to which my manager said, “Then do it.” The guy walked out the door, fired. The manager looked at me and said, “That guy will never be worth more than that.”
There is a lesson there.
I’m not really sure what the lesson is, but I’m sure there is one.
I have a friend who asked me if I had a problem with this “specific increase in minimum wage” or if I had a problem when President Bush raised the minimum wage. To me a stupid idea is a stupid idea. It doesn’t matter who came up with it, or who signed off on it.
Unlike (I suspect) many in Washington, I’ve read the Constitution. Am I an expert? HEAVENS NO. But I’m willing to learn, so if someone could enlighten me I sincerely will appreciate it. I just don’t remember any article, line or provision which gives authority to a group in Washington to dictate the wage someone in Florida should pay their employee. But again, I realize I’m not the sharpest bulb in the box so if someone could show me, I’m willing to learn.
Now that I think about it, I know what my biggest issue is. Why does everything have to be “universal” with liberals?
For guns, a three round clip may be great in New York, but if I’m in the mountains of Montana hunting wolves that keep killing my cattle, three rounds may not work for me.
In the state of Washington the current minimum wage is $9.19/hr. That’s great for them. But that may be too much to pay in Nevada, where the employee can choose a lower wage and receive benefits or a higher wage with no benefits.
Fifty-five miles per hour may be a perfect speed in North Carolina. But if you’ve ever driven between Las Vegas and California you know 55 mph is WAAAAAAY too slow.
Insurance was a mess because of regulation. So what was the liberal answer to fix the “broken” system? MORE REGULATION. And now (…yeah…) it’s universal. I don’t have enough middle fingers to fully express my feelings on that topic.
Little by little we are transforming from the fifty nifty individual yet United States of America to just “Generica.” Everything is the same bluh, bluh, bluh.
Generally speaking, I think liberals are like Maslow’s hammer. “If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.” Don’t think meat is good for you? Pass a resolution for Meatless Monday. Worried that the homeless are getting too much saturated fat in their diet? Require a permit for anyone feeding the homeless. Think people are too fat? Pass a law that 32 ounces is too much soda! (This last link is to a BRILLIANTLY written article – Check it out.) Just because you see things one way doesn’t mean everyone does. But instead of embracing the differences, liberals pass laws.
It kinda reminds me of a story. If I remember right, it is something about there being a big group, a plan was presented, and it was decided that people would be “agents unto themselves.” They could choose for themselves, good or evil. One man stood up and said something like, “I don’t like the plan. I don’t like how we will lose some people. Give me the power and I’ll force them to be good. And not one soul will be lost.” If I remember correctly, a big fight broke out.
It’s almost as if that same battle is still being waged. Thomas Jefferson said it best when he said, “The issue today is the same as it has been throughout all history, whether man shall be allowed to govern himself or be ruled by a small elite.”
I’m sure the story went something like that.
Hmmmm…? Well, I’m sure I’ll remember it later.
LIFEZILLA: A day without Diet Coke is like…actually I have no idea what it’s like.
Posted in America
Tagged Constitution, Health Care, Minimum wage, Regulation, State Laws, Universal
You Didn’t Earn That: Minimum Wage
You Didn’t Earn That: Minimum Wage
The Misses and I have used “Dish Network” for several years. We have always been happy with their service. A week or so ago we were watching a recorded show when the screen froze. LOOOONG story short we needed a new receiver. Because I called after hours on a Friday night, the replacement wouldn’t ship until Monday and we wouldn’t receive it until Wednesday. That’s right, almost a whole week without TV. BLUH!! It was HORRIBLE. We actually had to resort to talking to each other like cavemen…er…cavepeople (sorry). I don’t recommend it to AN-KNEE-ONE.
Because we didn’t have the means, I was unable to watch the President’s State of the Union Address. This simultaneously both irritated and thrilled me. I had all kinds of intentions of watching the speech the next day, but didn’t, and I haven’t yet. All I know is he talked about minimum wage, education and immigration (shocker). These three things are the trifecta of Democrat dumbassery. Hold on. That’s not entirely fair. They are the trifecta of Republican dumbassery as well, but for completely different reasons.
Democrats only have a few really good cards in their deck. “Caring” and “For the Children” are their favorites. The other most used is “Warmongering, racist jerk.”
Republicans, on the other hand, have the challenge to explain complex issues into a sound bite, which they know will never be played on Network Television. And you can’t explain a complex issue on a bumper-sticker. So Republicans are pretty much outta luck.
So even though it will bore me to tears, I’m going to TRY to get my thoughts down about these three issues. I’ll start with Minimum wage.
If you don’t know, the President wants to raise the national minimum wage to $9.00 an hour.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
I can see the President wanting to do it is for only two reasons. The first is that it appeals to his base. He gets to look like a knight in shining armor, swooping in to help the poor (for those who think it all the way through he looks more like an idiot in tinfoil). The second reason is, it demonizes the Republicans. They would look like a bunch of heartless meanies for not wanting to help. If they don’t cave, like they normally do on this issue, the President can sob, saying the Republicans just oppose raising the wage because HE suggested it (see racism).
It’s a win/win for him.
The fact of the matter is most Americans make well above $9.00 an hour. So the issue is about other people. It is super easy to get behind it. “It doesn’t affect ME at all.” So, as a country, we tune it out, go back to watching “Dancing with the Stars” and don’t think about the logic behind the regulation. It is easier to bow to the social pressure. After all, we don’t want to come across as uncaring. Right?
So if it is a small, small percentage of Americans who make minimum wage, and everyone knows if you work hard you can demand more than minimum wage, is the extra $1.75/hr going to help the country as a whole?
I guess that’s my question. Why just nine bucks? It seems almost silly. Sure it’s a 24% increase, but in the real world it’s a buck 75.
Quick hypnotical: what would happen if Republicans demanded a substantial minimum wage? Why $9.00/hr – which will help a very few – when you could raise it to $50.00/hr which will help a whole ton of people? Sure, in a few weeks a loaf of bread would go from $3.50 (for a decent loaf) to $25.00, but at least we’ll be spreading the wealth around. Right?
My guess is the Democrats would backpedal. They know it would kill the economy quickly. They prefer to kill it slowly, so they won’t get the blame.
Most employers (all of them) go into business to make money. The more profit they make, the more goods or services they provide, the more people they hire, etc, etc. When faced with a payroll hike they have one of four options: 1) Raise the rates to the new minimum, 2) Let employees go, 3) Downsize their jobs (employing them for fewer hours), or 4) Raise the prices on their goods or services and hope people will still use them. If you think about it, the forth option is really a hidden tax.
Most employers will do one of the four and then invest in goods to make labor more productive, so they can hire fewer people down the road, or shift their production overseas. The effect on employment is still there, it just isn’t “in your face.”
It will never happen, but imagine if Republicans grew a pair and ‘upped the ante’- if they demanded a substantial raise. At least it would force the country to have a grown-up conversation about it.
At the risk of sounding heartless, the sad truth is if an employee is worth more than $7.25 an hour and they are not being paid more, it is up to them to find work somewhere else. If they can’t find it, they are probably only worth $7.25. Having the government dictate that the employer pay $9.00 for $7.25 worth of work not only creates high unemployment for teens and unskilled workers, it is also intellectually dishonest. If someone is having a hard time understanding this, have them explain why we shouldn’t raise the minimum wage to $50 an hour.
LIFEZILLA: Not entirely sure what a “Propriate” is, but apparently I’m sometimes in it.
Posted in America, Government Over-reach
Tagged Democrats, Dish Network, Education, immigration reform, Minimum wage, Republican, State of the Union
My Thoughts on Valentine’s Day – Redone
So I’m totally going to plagiarize myself. I posted this last year. I think my site was two days old, I would be surprised if five people read it. Reading over it now I still think it is kind of funny, but there is a bunch I would change, and I was half tempted too today. I would have worked in something like how kissing is shopping upstairs for downstairs merchandise, or how loud obnoxious snoring is my body’s natural way of fighting off affection, or how the difference between love and sex is sex relieves tension and love causes it, or how panties are over priced wrapping paper, or how I think about sex every3.14 seconds (OHMIGOSH…I’m Pi-Sexual!!!) or…bluh, bluh, bluh.
But in the end I decided to keep it as it was.
I hope you like it.
My Thoughts on Valentine’s Day – Redone
First of all, I love my wife. Second of all, I hate Valentine’s Day. HATE IT. To me Valentine’s Day isn’t a foo-foo lacy day, filled with pink hearts that ends up with the two of you doing “married things.” To me it is a day filled with a constant reminder of how I’m a screw up when it comes to love. Where, if I’m LUCKY, we end up doing “married things.”
Jim Gaffigan said it best when, talking about a pitch for Valentines day, he said, “How about a holiday all about awkwardness and failed expectations?”
No gift is appropriate. No gift is the right one. As a man I naturally want my wife in lingerie 24/7. To me it is in similitude to wrapping presents during Christmas. My theory being that it is fun to unwrap them (wicked grin). PFFFFFFFFFF. . . yeah right. It took my new bride (lo those many years ago) about two seconds to explain to me that I’m only giving a gift to myself.
But Valentine’s Day is fun when you are teenager. I remember one time a girl I was kinda dating made me one of the big poster-board signs with candy bars all over it with the names of the bars tying a sentence together. Like this:
Hey “Sweet Tart” it would be worth a “100 Grand” if we blah blah blah. You get the point.
Now, I have only been in one serious relationship, and I married her. So I never went through the “break up” drama. But I always thought it would be fun to break-up using this same concept. Of course if you’re breaking up why confine yourself to only the candy aisle? I say use the whole store.
“Lettuce” call it like it is. I know you think you’re a “Rock Star” but really you’re more of a “Monster.” So let’s take that “Red Bull” face of yours and put it back in the “Vault.” I look at your body and “I can’t believe it’s not butter.” I mean just look at your nasty “Mounds”. Your “eggs” are past the expiration date, and your “Milk” has gone sour. It is seriously a “Country Crock” and gives me the “Snickers” that you believe it would ONLY take a “100 Grand” to get your “Tub O’ Lard” to “Slim Fast.” I don’t want to ever see you again, not “Now or Later.”
Seriously, don’t you think that would be a fun way to break up?
LIFEZILLA: Valentine’s Day, when you care to give her the very best…once a year… grudgingly…because, really, after the hints and nagging, you had no choice.
My wife is actually really good about Valentine’s day. I LOVE HER SOOOO MUCH.
HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY EVERYONE
Posted in Uncategorized
My Team of Writers
My Team of Writers
From this point forward I will refer to the voices in my head as “my team of writers”. I have two issues my team of writers have been kicking around, but I’m not really sure how to make them mesh into one article. They have been driving me crazy. Maybe I’ll make it two articles. I dunno, we’ll see.
Both issues have to do with education.
We are (what?) seven weeks into the New Year. And I can list three similar stories that bother me. The first was when a six year old kid was suspended from school for making a gun with his hand and saying “Pow”. The second, was when a five year old girl was suspended for 10 days for making a “terroristic threat” for talking to a friend about shooting her with a “Hello Kitty Bubble Gun”. Yes, you read that correctly. A gun, in the shape of Hello Kitty, that shoots BUBBLES (Lawrence Welk would have been thrown in prison for life.) And most recently, last week a seven year old was suspended from school for throwing an imaginary grenade into an imaginary box filled with “something evil” to save the world.
An imaginary grenade into an imaginary box…So he threw nothing into nothing…? (hmm)
I can completely understand these young heroes desire to fight. My favorite part about imaginary fighting is the fact you get to thwart evil. You never get to thwart anything in real life. I like to thwart. My advice to these young patriots is to always have a backup finger gun strapped to your ankle in case your two primaries get confiscated again.
Is it just me, or does it sound like the administrators need to grow up?
Last week Dr. Benjamin Carson was at a prayer breakfast with President Obama and said he thought PC (Political Correctness) was dangerous (click here for the awesome speech). I agree.
The second issue that has been bothering me is about an article I read. Apparently, in Texas there is a web-based system used in 70 percent of the schools state wide to assist teachers with lesson plans. The system is “built by teachers, designed by teachers.” Many are concerned that it is difficult for non-teachers to get a look at the program.
One of the lessons for sixth graders “showed different countries’ flags and instructed students to “notice that socialist and communist countries use symbolism on their flags.” It went on to ask students what symbols they would use if they were to create a flag for a new socialist country.”
Many of the other lessons “promoted pro-Islam ideals, or described participants of the Boston Tea Party as terrorists.”
Pardon me Miss? I believe I ordered my brain-washing on the side.
The whole “designing a flag” thing BUUUUUUUUUUGED me. But because I had recently had a conversation with a young man about the “Boston Tea Party as terrorist” the article kind of set me off.
For the record. The Boston Tea party story has always rubbed me the wrong way. It is part of history. It happened. I get that. But terrorist? Come on.
Quick review: The Boston Tea party was in response to the Tea Act of 1773. The Colonists objected to the Tea Act because it violated their rights as Englishmen. They, rightly, believed they should be taxed only by their own elected representatives and not by a British parliament in which they were not represented. “No taxation without representation.”
I remember being taught the Tea Party was the catalyst that started the Revolutionary War. Hmmm…not really. In fact it probably set the whole thing back. It really dispirited both American and British supporters, like Edmund Burke.
George Washington disapproved of the destruction of the tea, and Benjamin Franklin demanded the India Tea Company be reimbursed (they were). Samuel Adams defended the raid by saying that all other methods of recourse, you know like…voting — were unavailable.
Many of the founding fathers considered the raid an embarrassment. The Boston Tea Party was not celebrated for another 50 years.
Not one person was killed. Paul Revere made sure to replace a lock that was broken during the raid and severely punished a man who stole some of the tea for his personal use (HEY…just like the terrorist of today who paid for the rebuilding of the…er…oh…forget it).
But kids today are taught that this great country was made from the act of terror. Come on. It took three years before our founding fathers engaged in their truly revolutionary act: The signing of the Declaration of Independence (for perspective the iPad was originally introduced three years ago in April).
In that document, they set forth, in clear terms, their complaints with British rule, their earlier attempts at resolution, and an appeal to the Supreme Judge of the world for independence from the crown. I remember a few years ago reading the Declaration of Independence to a group of Boy Scouts. It was almost a spiritual experience.
Are these things being taught in your school? I dunno if they are in mine. But at least we can sleep well knowing we are safe from six year olds with imaginary guns.
LIFEZILLA: This Valentine’s day tell your lover the three little words she (or he) has been dying to hear: “I love Lifezilla”.
Posted in America, Education, Gun Control
Tagged Education, Founding Fathers, Liberalism, school violence, Schools, The Boston Tea Party
Anyone who knows me knows I’m a normal guy. In fact, I hate to brag, but I’m average in everyway. I have zero marketable skills. You know what, now that I think about it, not once have my younger siblings thanked me for how low I set the bar for them. “But Danny,” you whine, “you enjoy writing”. That is true. I’ll give you that one. I do enjoy writing. But I wouldn’t say I’m good at it. I’m okay. I’m a blogger’s equivalent of a “Wendy’s value meal”. Really, a trained monkey could write like I do. In fact, the other night I fell asleep with my head on my keyboard, and when I woke up I had written a “Twilight” novel.
In personal news: Lifezilla will be one year old on the 15th of this month. Yeah!!! I’m pretty excited. On the 16th I’ll finally be able to take off the train bra…er…wheels. I said wheels. I SAID TRAINING WHEELS!!!
I’m still trying to figure out how to manage the “website” thing. It seems I hate every other change I make. I did create a new Lifezilla Facebook page. I have a personal Facebook page were I regularly post my miscellaneous rantings, ravings, quick thoughts, or whatnots. But I want to inflect my dumbery to a bigger audience so I’m hoping I can sweet talk to you into liking my page. I envision it’ll be like a unstop party full of people taking breaks from stalking exs, tossing ticked off birds into walls or tending their virtual farm. Just imagine a site full of people who ought to be working, talking to their kids, or improving their relationship with their spouse, but are simply too jaded, bored, or bitter to bother exerting themselves. Serious, don’t those people sound like the people you should be hanging with? (What? It just sounds like your family and co-workers? The ones you’re already sick to death of because they’re such killjoys about everything? Well, come on over then!!!! I’ve got brand new killjoys you’ve never even met before!)
It’ll be fun. You know you want too.
LIFEZILLA: I swear I love every single some of you.
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Posted in Uncategorized